All those in courtship, engaged or on their way to the marriage altar, can make their relationship work despite the numerous challenges they may be facing. You will discover key areas and principles to lighting up that relationship into a successful one.
Successful couples have left behind for us several clues to why their relationships succeed. I believe as you follow these success clues, you too will discover and imbibe timeless wisdom that can turn your life around, bring an end to your marriage-bound relationship.
The starting point of every successful relationship is having a clearly defined purpose.When you meet the person you feel attracted to, you begin to think of getting closer to this person and knowing this person better. Most people never take time to think through and properly define their reason for wanting a relationship.
Not every relationship with the opposite sex is supposed to be romantic. There are people who are your business associates, course mates, colleagues at work, friendly neighbors and church members. Don’t be quick to say you are going out with him/her because people ask you embarrassing questions.If nothing romantic is happening between you, just say you are friends. If you are attracted to start a relationship with someone, you need to ask yourself why you want to develop a relationship with this person?
Do you want him/her as a friend? Are you thinking of a business, career, spiritual relationship? Do you desire a long term, permanent relationship with him or her? You should be very clear about your intentions so you don’t get mixed up and confused when you begin to experience various conflicting emotions in your mind.
The emotions you experience in a business relationship are different from what you feel in a romantic one. Be very clear about what you want in your relationship.
Where there is no vision and clarity of purpose, there will be total confusion.
Some people ignorantly want to go with the ‘flow’ and see what happens. But successful couples clearly define their relationship, that is why they succeed
Pursue Your Dreams
People get into a relationship for different reasons; some are
honest and some are totally dishonest.Some people are involved in a relationship to escape from their own lives. They have no clearly defined vision or purpose for their lives; by hooking up with this guy or lady, they believe that they will make something good out of their own lives. They are forever dependent on their partner to make their lives work. Their career, academics, business, and future are all dependent on the contribution and effort of their partner.
But in a successful relationship, each person is committed to their own vibrant dream which they are passionate about. There is mutual respect for each other because they both recognize that their significant other is not relying on them to make their lives work, they know exactly where they are going and they are doing all it takes to get there.
A purposeless man or lady is a great liability and will be the one who will eventually cause problems for, and ruin the relationship.
To ensure the success of your relationship, write out a detailed list of your personal goals, if you haven’t already done so, and begin to pursue their realization. Ensure that your partner also has his or her own goal that he/she is pursuing. Successful couples are focused on their dreams.
A successful relationship is built on the principle of mutual respect for each other in the relationship. When you both feel secure in yourselves, you won’t need to prove anything to your partner to be accepted by him or her.
If you always feel a need to prove that you are as successful or even better than him/her you are competing with him/her. You may be trying to prove yourself to your partner because you don’t think you are good enough to be his/her partner.
Your feelings of inferiority will keep on motivating you to go the extra mile to prove yourself..in a heady relationship, the partners complement each other. They bring their strengths to bear on the relationship to make it succeed. They both realize that we all have weaknesses in one form or another so, they use their strengths to compensate for the weaknesses of their partners thereby building a strong relationship.
A competitive spirit may have been taken root as a result of past negative experiences like failure or rejection.
One of those partners may have experience in the past. Instead of dealing with and forgetting the past, they bring it into a new relationship and ruin it.
If you are carrying emotional baggage from the past, you need to jettison it now or you stand the risk of destroying your relationship. If you are always trying to prove yourself to gain acceptance from your partner, you are in an unhealthy relationship. Maybe you feel that he/she is better than you in so many ways and you don’t deserve to be loved or cared for.
You even feel that if he/she discovers who you really are you will be rejected. The fear of possible rejection becomes your motive for staying in the relationship. You believe that if a relationship doesn’t work out, it means you are not good enough for him/her. But the truth is that not everybody you know will like you or want you in a romantic relationship.
Rejection is a natural process of selection by elimination. You have probably rejected a couple of people in your life because you felt they were not who you wanted around you. That didn’t make them bad people, it just meant that you were not right for each other.
Your ideal partner should always make you feel secure, energized, capable and loved when you are with him or her. As you learn to complement and strengthen your partner, you both will begin to release the best in you and move the relationship up to a higher level.PrayerPrayer is one of the keys that help to build up your relationship along positive lines.
Prayer helps you focus on God’s plan, purpose, and direction for the relationship.
When the two of you pray, you ask God to step into and take charge of the relationship.We all have challenges in various areas of our lives and we need divine intervention to help us triumph in those situations. Putting God first in prayer ensures that the spirit of God will be present to give direction to the relationship. Prayer strengthens you to go through difficult periods of your relationship. When you pray, you bring God’s power to bear on the relationship. There are several things that may affect or negatively influence the eventual outcome of your relationship.
Prayer will expose such areas to you and help you confront them courageously.
A good relationship can go bad without the undergirding power of prayer. Don’t leave anything to chance; pray and guarantee the success of your relationship
In a successful relationship, the partners are involved in a program of personal development.One of the keys to real intimacy is openness. Only matured people can afford to sincerely open up with each other. In a relationship where both of you are continually building up your self-esteem by reading, attending seminars and mixing with other like-minded people, it will accelerates the rate of personal development which reflects directly on the health of your relationship.In a relationship where self-development is given no priority, the partners become taunted mentally, emotionally and spiritually thereby hindering the growth of the relationship. There is usually no real intimacy because the partners are not maturing and leaving behind immature and insecure behavior. The more you expand your consciousnesses by reading and connecting with brighter minds, the easier it becomes for you to be open and intimate with your partner.Work On ItSuccessful relationships don’t just happen, the partners make them work. You can’t sit back, fold your hands and expect a miracle to happen. You want your relationship to be healthy and happy but you are not willing to put effort or make the necessary sacrifice needed to make it work.If you are not willing to make your relationship work, it will eventually fail. Every aspect of the relationship must be worked on if you want it to succeed. You need to work on your character. How do you handle your partner’s little idiosyncrasies? You must work on yourself before you can begin to work on your relationship. If you have challenges, the first person to look at is yourself and ask yourself if you are responsible for what is going on. If you are, then work on that aspect of your character until you notice a remarkable improvement.
If you are loquacious to jump into conclusions, or you are not attentive enough, you need to work on yourself and bring the improved you into the relationship. We are quick to point accusing fingers at our partners for the problems we are experiencing in our relationship but must realize that every time you point one finger, three fingers are pointing right back at you. In solving relationship challenges, always begin with personal introspection.
That is where the answer to the problem usually lies. Be honest enough with yourself to ask ‘am I responsible for what is happening in this relationship? If I am, what do I need to do to change it?’Questions like these will help you work on the areas of vital importance to your relationship.
A successful relationship is one that is constantly been insulated and protected from negative external influence. There are some people who are close to you and may negatively influence the relationship if you allow them to. If you don’t protect the integrity of your relationship from this negative minded people, they may sow seeds of doubt, fear and confusion in your mind, which may yield negative fruits of disharmony, strife, and distrust in your relationship in future.If you are immature, you may tend to discuss your relationship with your friends whom you feel are favorably disposed towards you and your relationship with Mr or Miss X. But, you can never tell for certain who may be secretly envious of your relationship and may even want to have your partner for themselves. That is why at the beginning of your relationship, keep issues discussed between you and your partner confidential until the relationship becomes more defined; even after that, don’t be quick to tell your friends what is happening in your relationship.Talk with only people who have successful relationships; people who can give you advise and counsel base on their own experience in building a successful relationship. Don’t discuss your life with people who have more problems than you, what they will tell you is how to be messed up like them. If you are going through challenges, take it to God in prayer or go to your spiritual mentor for counseling. But never expose your problems to those who cannot help you in any way. Protect the integrity of your relationship and watch it succeed.